A Christian's crisis of faith

I have a bit of a confession to make. I feel as though I’ve been going through a bit of a dry spell in my faith. I feel spiritually drained and weary, I find it difficult to pray, and it’s been hard for me to stay focused on tasks that could further the cause of Christ.

I know in my heart that God is real and that He is always present. I can’t and won’t believe that countless billions of people - maybe more - throughout recorded history that have believed in God and in Jesus Christ could be following a lie. There is simply too much around us and in us that presents testament of God’s existence. I feel the presence of my Lord through the uplifting spirit of Christian music; the singers are acting as the channel through which God touches the hearts of the listeners. I feel the presence of Christ when I am together with my fellow believers; Jesus tells us through the Scriptures that “Wherever two or three come together my name, there I am with them.” (Matt. 18:20)

Still, I feel weighted down by my past. I know that by the grace of God I have been forgiven of my sins and have a future eternity with Him waiting for me. But I guess I’m still feeling the repercussions of the irresponsibility and poor choices of my early adulthood. As a grown and (usually) mature adult, I know the direction I need to go, but with the struggles I’ve brought on myself, I’m realizing more and more that there fewer days ahead of me than there are behind, and the time I have to do what I need to do here on earth is dwindling faster all the time.

Against what I know in my heart about my God, I sometimes feel like God has turned His face away, and that I’m walking alone. I don’t know if this is true, or if it is a lie of the enemy of God and His people to make some Christians let go of their faith. Maybe this dry spell is a reminder to me from God that I really can’t do life without Him. The thought has gone through my mind that there might just be something wrong with me or that I’m alone in my struggles, an ant standing among believers with the faith of spiritual giants.

A week ago Vatican City reported that letters written by Mother Teresa revealed that she had been suffering a crisis of faith for the last 40 years of her life. Even while she ministered to the sick and poor in Calcutta, she felt spiritually empty and alone, and even had doubts about the presence or even the existence of God. Although she continued to pray and to do the work she was so well-known for, the feelings of emptiness and loneliness continued as well, likely to the end of her days.

If such a godly woman who lived her life serving God by serving others so selflessly could find herself in a spiritual desert, maybe there are other Christians besides myself in this world that God has made that deal with times of doubt. Maybe the thing I need to do is just to, as has been said many times by the pastor of my church, “Lean into it”, and continue to pray through the dry times and keep up with the work that I believe God wants me to do. I suppose if I continue to try and God is pleased, He will let me know by drawing near to me again; on the other hand, if I continue to believe that He is even remotely present and my course needs correcting, He will let me know that, too.

If I have any readers at all of this blog and any of those few readers have had similar feelings or experiences of spiritual dry spells, I would be honored to receive the feedback. After all, isn’t encouraging one another and building one another up part of what being members of the body of Christ is all about?

May the Lord our God grace you with the sunshine and showers of His presence. God bless.